VI phoney

Need to impress that maître d’/guestlist holder/posh totty at the bar? Time to get aquainted with Europe’s hottest movers and shakers, says Mike Peake

From Finland to Malta, Europe is as celebrity-obsessed as the rest of the world. They all have their Gordon Ramsay and their Britney Spears, but who are these people? What do they do? And, more importantly, how can you convince the snooty waiter in the town’s poshest restaurant that yes, you do know their country’s top talent and you’re actually having drinks with him/her later in the evening? Ryanair Magazine reveals all.

THE RICHEST MAN IN ROMANIA
So Dinu Patriciu is only the 462nd richest person in the world, according to Forbes. But the oil magnate is still worth €1.8 billion, and is quite easily the man with the biggest wallet in Romania. He’s chief executive of Rompetrol Group, a multinational petroleum company that boasts a 40% market share in Romania. He also owns one of the country’s top daily newspapers.
What to say: “Patriciu told us to mention him to your manager. And he said to point out that he always remembers a favour.”
Where to say it: The check-in desk at the swanky Athenee Palace Hilton in Bucharest (www.hilton. com), where rooms can top €1,500 a night.
What not to say: “Isn’t he actually running the country?” Shush! He’s famously political and might well be.

THE ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK OF THE CZECH REPUBLIC
There’s not a man in Prague who hasn’t heard of Karel Gott, a name that may not be familiar to many in Europe or, indeed, most of the world. Yet the 69-year-old crooner’s debut album has sold 4.5 million copies in Russia, while his appeal is inexplicably enduring in Germany. The high-pitched warbler’s second love is painting and he has exhibited everywhere from Moscow to Vienna.
What to say: “Well, we stumbled across this Karel Gott original in a little antique shop over the bridge and picked it up for a song. He’s coming round soon to authenticate it for us.”
Where to say it:In the bar at the Alchymist Grand Hotel (www.alchymisthotel.com).
What not to say:“He’s no Jim Reeves, is he?”

THE SWEDISH JORDAN
Well almost. Actually Carolina Gynning made her name on Sweden’s version of Big Brother, rather than as a glamour model like Jordan (aka Katie Price). Carolina’s modelling came later. Famous for her breast implants – which she later had removed and auctioned off – the 30-year-old blonde is now a top telly draw in her own right, although she does it strictly her own way. In 2006, she told Irish boy band Westlife that their slow songs were liable to give men erections on the dance floor. Eww!
What to say: “Well Carolina said Victoria Silvstedt might be there, and you know she’s always good for a few laughs, right?”
Where to say it: In the ice-cool Café Opera in Stockholm (www. cafeopera.se), where everyone from Liam Gallagher to Paul McCartney has hung out. It’s also worth name-dropping Stellan Skarsgard (Mamma Mia!, Pirates of the Caribbean), or perennial big-screen bad boy Peter Stormare, who you’ll have seen – most probably – cast as a ranting Russian.
What not to say: “I heard she’s actually a red-head.”

THE SWISS FIDDY (50 CENT)
OK, so Switzerland’s hottest rapper, Stress,might be white, but he’s as adept at whipping up a storm as any of his US hip-hopping heroes. And he’s pleasingly right on. Instead of singing (in French) about guns, and spouting dodgy rhetoric about the female sex, Stress (real name Andres Andrekson) raps about some of his country’s elder statesmen and the stuffy old-timers’ more right-wing views. Most controversial was his track F**k Blocher, a less-than-positive rant about hardline former justice minister Christoph Blocher and his right-wing Swiss People’s Party.
What to say: “We need a quiet table, away from prying eyes. If he can get away from the studio, Stress will be joining us.”
Where to say it: Parkhuus hotel in Zürich (www.parkhuus.ch) has fine dining at its very best, complete with a show kitchen where you can watch the chefs at work.
What not to say:“Well he’s OK, but he’d be better if he did it in German.”
Fly to BASEL from six destinations, including Alicante. Visit www.ryanair.com for more information.

DENMARK’S SUPER-BADDIE
There’s not much bigger a coup than landing a lead role in a Bond flick, and if you didn’t manage the 007 gig then next best is the baddie. Which is why Mads Mikkelsen is presently the toast of Denmark. The 43-year-old actor played Le Chiff re in Casino Royale, and he’s been dining out on his big-screen nastiness ever since. Mikkelsen’s TV police series Unit 1 also bagged an Emmy in 2002.
What to say: “Mads told me that Daniel Craig’s in town for a reunion party and he’d give me a bell later tonight. Martin Hedegaard (baby-faced Danish X-Factor heartthrob) is going to be there!”
Where to say it: Copenhagen’s celeb-friendly restaurant Noma.
What not to say: “Hasn’t he got a bit of a wonky eye?”

THE NEW BARDOT
French weathergirl Louise Bourgoin is more Ulrika Jonsson than John Kettley, hoisted to the screens of Canal+ not only for her doubtless advanced meteorological skills but because she looks, well… “hot” on camera. In August, the 26-year-old was lauded in The Times, which punned with unrestrained glee that she was “forecast” to be the new Brigitte Bardot following her big-screen debut in The Girl From Monaco. Variety magazine says she is “as liberated as a young colt and with a bod kissed by Aphrodite”. And fun, too – she once presented the weather while spinning records at a party on the beach.
What to say: “I was talking to Louise Bourgoin last night and she was asking me which was the coolest hotel bar in Paris – I said I’d get back to her.”
Where to say it: Ice Kube bar at Kube (www.kubehotel.com), an unbelievably trendy spot near the Gare du Nord. Martini please!
What not to say: “You can only trust a bloke with a beard when it comes to the weather."

THE NEW KING (AND QUEEN) OF AUSTRIA
Arnie might be big news in California, but back home his muscle-bound tomfoolery has long since been confined to the bargain bin. A new breed of celebrity has been born in the likes of former ski champ Armin Assinger, of Die Millionenshow, and reality TV star Christina Stürmer – since 2002, the ravenhaired beauty’s musical career has seen her sell more than 1.5 million records.
What to say: “So Armin invited us to some strange ski ball he’s having with that singer, Christina. Apparently, Donatella’s in town and, you know, I guess we should go.”
Where to say it: the Stanglwirt hotel (www.stanglwirt.com), near Kitzbühel.
What not to say: “He’s a bit like that bloke Tarrant back home.”