The Ultimate Survival Guide

Snake bites, volcanic eruptions – anything can happen on holiday says contributing editor Mike Peake, so it’s best to be prepared. Illustrations by Graham Carter

The great British explorer Sir Wilfred Thesiger, who died in 2003 aged 93, knew a thing or two about taking a trip. In the early 1950s, he managed to convince the marshmen of Iraq to let him hang out with them after first learning the unusual skill of circumcision. Another time, when faced with an Abyssinian torturer, he decided his best option was to befriend the chap, which he did, and later described the fellow as “the equivalent of a nice, rather self-conscious Etonian”. Thesiger knew how to fit in.

The other great trait of Sir Wilfred and his globetrotting Victorian forefathers was an unwavering sense of being prepared for anything. True, their methods for dealing with angry natives sometimes led to their demise at the bottom of a large cooking pot, but we could learn a lot from their fast wits, spirit of adventure and have-a-go attitude. Plus, today, we have professionally trained experts in everything to help us.

SHARKS
That was then: Five men were no match for a rogue shark that terrorised the New Jersey shore in the summer of 1916. The beast killed four, but the fifth victim survived thanks to luck rather than any fishy know-how.

This is now: According to the Florida Museum of Natural History, which keeps a track on these things, the last fatal shark attack in Europe was in 1989. There have been just 19 fatal attacks here in 160 years. The hot spot, it has to be said, is Greece, with an average of one deadly attack every 20 years – but sensibly, Ryanair doesn’t fly there. If you do see a fin in the water, one unorthodox way to take Jaws on is to try some yogic breathing techniques. Dr Erich Ritter, a Miami-based shark researcher claimed that this method was the business – until a bull shark took a massive chunk out of his calf. A bit safer is the advice from the experts at the National Geographic Society:

1. Don’t thrash about: it will attract more sharks to the area.
2. Don’t play dead: it will quickly lead to you being dead, as it’s your message to the shark that it’s time to tuck in.
3. Always go for the eyes, gills and nose: make the shark realise you’re not worth the trouble.
But relax. Speaking in Cape Town last year, shark expert Anton Ferreira pointed out that in 2007 there had been only one fatal shark attack in the whole world. Fellow shark expert Grant Willis reckons that most people are spat out because “we don’t taste anything like a seal – sort of a bit bony and horrible”.

AVALANCHE
That was then: the first leisure skiers were in for a nasty surprise when they discovered that the nice white powdery stuff could come tumbling down. They didn’t even have a proper grading for the seriousness of avalanches back in the 1900s – avalanches were either “airborne” or “ground-hugging”.

This is now: “In the 12 years I’ve been a pro skier, I’ve had four or five close calls,” says JT Holmes, one of California’s best-known faces in the world of extreme sports. “Usually, it’s when I’ve been dumb.” Skiers, he says, should always be on the lookout for telltale signs that a mountain is ripe for avalanche: has there been an avalanche already on a similar slope, for instance? “Always have a safe zone,” says JT. “A mountain will often have a high spot on its face in which gravity will bring down snow either side of it, rather than over it.” If the white stuff comes a-tumbling, aim for that.

If you do get caught up, “you’ll be tumbling out of control”, says JT. “It will feel like you’re in a washing machine. Do not let your body tense up; if you fight the avalanche you’re more prone to injury. You won’t see much, and when you eventually stop you may not know which way is up. So do whatever you can to avoid being buried – some call it a swimming motion.”

If you’re ultra-cautious, treat your self to a Black Diamond AvaLung – a nifty gadget that helps you breathe under snow.

SNAKES
That was then: These days Cleopatra would have gone to Switzerland for an assisted suicide, but back in the day the best option for a lovesick ruler was an asp to the boob.

This is now: There are 33 species of snake in Europe, of which nine are vipers and venomous. However, rarely is a bite from a European snake fatal. And if your holiday is to the islands of Corsica, Sardinia or Malta you have nothing to fear at all, according to British snake expert Dr Wolfgang Wüster, who says these destinations do not have any poisonous snakes. The bad-snake hot spots, if there are any, are in Greece and Turkey.

“European vipers are smallish and not aggressive,” Dr Wüster says, “and if you leave them alone they’ll leave you alone. Wear solid shoes when out walking in the country, and if you find yourself close to a viper, just step away from it and go the other way.”

If you do get bitten? “Stay calm – hardly anyone ever dies,” says the doc, “and keep the bitten part as still as possible. Try and bring help to the victim rather than have the victim walk anywhere, but get medical help as fast as possible. Don’t cut or suck on the wound – it may make things worse.” Finally, don’t try to kill any snakes – they’re protected almost everywhere in Europe.

HURRICANE
That was then: We’re going back a few years, but in 1362 they really didn’t have a clue what to do when a south-westerly Atlantic gale battered England, Holland, Germany and Denmark. More than 25,000 people were killed.

This is now: While admittedly weedier than their US cousins, European hurricanes are no laughing matter. The storms manage to wreak about €1.9 billion of damage every year as they rattle their way across the north of Scotland, Norway and, in a bad year, much of mainland Europe. Your best chance of avoiding these big winds is to take summer holidays rather than winter ones, because the European “windstorm”, as it is known, pretty much always happens in winter. Back in January, south-west France and northern Spain were battered by devastating 180km/h winds, which left more than 1 million homes in France without power.

Rod Brouhard, a paramedic and expert on disaster response, says: “If you’re inside a hurricane, stay away from all windows and glass doors and stay in a small interior room or hallway on the ground floor, but don’t seek refuge in a basement if there’s a chance of it flooding. Also, water supplies are often contaminated after a hurricane, so don’t drink tap water until you’re told it’s safe to do so.”

VOLCANO
That was then: In olden days – we’re thinking Pompeii – the locals thought that hunkering down while Vesuvius did its thing might be a good idea. History taught us this was not a super plan.

This is now: Luckily, big blasts are astonishingly rare and today we often know when they’re coming. In these days of extreme tourism, though, it’s no wonder that smaller eruptors have become a bit of a mecca for day-trippers – as visitors to Stromboli, an island off the coast of Sicily will attest. The volcano there is one of the most frequent grumblers in the whole of Europe, although it did get a bit too feisty in 2002, injuring six.

Mount Etna on Sicily itself is the largest active volcano in Europe, and comes to life every few months. Its last really scary bang was as recent as last summer. Italy has more decent volcanoes than anywhere else on the Ryanair network – around a dozen of them having put on a bit of a show in the last 1,000 years.

However, the chances of them being a big problem are infinitesimal, unless you’re standing on the rim when one has a hiccup. But forewarned is forearmed, and the advice of Cliff Montgomery at www.secretsofsurvival.com is to “stay away from lava flows. Not all of them will be red hot and obvious, as some move slowly and appear dark and solid but are liquid beneath the surface. And never try to cross an active flow as you might get trapped.”

POLAR BEAR
That was then: Victorian explorer Lord Dufferin, confronted by a polar bear in the Arctic in 1856, calmly shot it and turned it into a meal for himself and his crew.

This is now: Guns still work, but only when you have one on you – as an Inuit guide called Kootoo Shaw found out in 2003 when he lost his entire scalp to a polar bear that took a swipe at him near the small Canadian town of Kimmirut. Shaw needed 200 stitches to put the top of his head back on, and awoke in hospital to discover that someone had finally shot the brute. If you’ve no gun to hand, the consensus among the bear-watching fraternity is to avoid eye contact, talk soothingly as you back away, and keep on walking. Do not run or the seal-chewer will go for you – if it does, you can either choose between playing dead, or giving it a smack on the nose. Survivors have reported some success with either method. And what’s that you say? No polar bears in Europe? Try Spitsbergen, an admittedly heavy sea voyage off the northern coast of Norway.