Rude Health

Letting go is a good thing, so take a deep breath, exhale and read all about F**k It, an Italian retreat and new approach to relaxation. Sonya Arratoon pays a visit

Sure, I’ve been to a retreat before. There was the time I spent a night at a Buddhist centre in the Scottish borders, then there was the ashram in Wales. The religious paraphernalia and communal dormitories turned me off the former, while in Wales the hill mist and drizzle dampened all spirits, leaving me feeling worse than when I’d arrived. I resolved to find a retreat I didn’t want to leave after just two days and that didn’t carry any religious teaching. So I booked something called a F**k It week, at a hideaway in Italy called The Hill That Breathes.

As the date approaches I am getting cold feet. Will it all be chewy food and single teachers on the verge of a breakdown? Will it be like Swearers Anonymous with an Italian backdrop? What if I think it’s all nonsense and have to fake it? Situated on the Adriatic coast is Le Marche’s largest city, Ancona. Its better-known neighbours Tuscany and Umbria grab more of the attention, leaving Le Marche with a sleepier, off the tourist trail reputation. As the taxi climbs away from the coast, the sun-drenched roads get windier and the scenery gets wilder. We’re in the foothills of the Apennine mountains, where the bumpy pattern of hills reminds me of kittens playing under an enormous bed cover. Scenery aside, my mind turns to damp, misty hillsides in Wales and I try to reassure myself in the final approach.

I’m the first to arrive at the two-storey farmhouse, set amid 100 acres of wooded hill. There’s a giant dome where the sessions will take place and the pool overlooks a patchwork of fields. I strain to see other signs of habitation, but there’s nothing. The pool’s also where the new arrivals get to check each other out. There’s only a couple of teachers and the small talk is easy. No one swears.

Later I realise that while I’ve been strolling around there’s been an ever-present sound of wind overhead, the kind that has to be moving through treetops to be heard. It occurs to me that we’re surrounded by pine trees. It also turns out that the location of The Hill is special because pines are great for energy – producing more oxygen than any ther tree. My city lungs will love this. The food is scrumptious too, and we eat dinner outdoors at group tables.

I meet John Parkin, the man behind it all. He isn’t what I had expected and isn’t “new-agey” looking at all. So how did he come up with the name? He explains that when we say “f**k it”, it lessens the importance of things we take too seriously, like a little command to calm down. So ultimately when we stop doing what we don’t want to do, we finally do what we’ve always wanted to do. He gets the group to think of all the things that are important to us and imagine what it would be like to say “f**k it” to them. It turns into a bit of a competition to make the longest list of petty things that seem important. Cleanliness, make-up and eating routines are all up there and we have a good laugh.

Life at The Hill is pretty cruisy. There are long breaks between morning and afternoon sessions for swimming, sleeping and hammock swinging, plus a day off in the middle of the week to explore the local area. Fano is the nearest beach town, and with a choice of two beaches that’s daylight hours taken care of. Come evening we sample the freshly landed catch in the old centre. You can also explore nearby Urbino, a stunning renaissance hill town and World Heritage Site. It’s a party for the senses after a few days at The Hill. Art, architecture, ice cream and regional food – what’s not to like? They can also arrange guided walks in the Apennines.

During the course of the week we do tai chistyle exercises to relax, let go and calm the mind. On a walking meditation in the woods I go into a dream-like state and nearly fall down the hillside once or twice. Learning to listen to my body I find there are knots of tension in places I’d never considered. Relax and let go, I tell myself. I think I’m really relaxing until one lazy afternoon I pull back my duvet and surprise a lizard checking out my bed, which almost starts a new phobia.

A trained hypnotherapist and qigong nut, Parkin knows a thing or two about saying “f**k it”. He himself did just that when he gave up his career in advertising and headed to Italy with his partner, Gaia, to set up a holistic retreat. His new book F**k It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way (Hay House) takes you through his life philosophy. Among the chapters are food, money and discipline. Parkin says the key is to trust the process. So, for those feeling wound up by the little things, start by relaxing into your body – that’s the letting go bit. Then watch your thoughts impartially – that’s the mindfulness bit. Then you’ll need to follow the book. There’s a F**k It week roughly once a month, but The Hill also offers weeks in yoga, tai chi and qigong.

I ask Parkin for his views on New Year’s resolutions. “Try to accept yourself and life exactly as it is before thinking about the kinds of things you’d like to be or do,” he says. “F**k it to resolutions. Do the opposite!”

By the end of the week I’ve de-knotted and slowed down. The thought factory in my head has had a spring clean and I’m saying “f**k it” to all the small things that my brain loves getting worried about. On my way out my suitcase seems much lighter – I’ve decided all my self-imposed rules are too suffocating, so I leave them behind and set off to celebrate.
FOR MORE DETAILS, VISIT WWW.THEHILLTHATBREATHES.COM

While you’re in Le Marche

LA BEFANA FESTIVAL, URBANIA, 5–6 JANUARY
The good witch of Christmas visits town to drop off presents, with fireworks and street parades.

NATIONAL NATIVITY CONTEST, LORETO, DECEMBER
Tour the town’s impressive collection of presepi (nativity scenes) bringing back childhood memories.

LA FESTA DI SAN SILVESTRO, RIMINI, 31 DECEMBER
See in the New Year on the Adriatic coast with fireworks and entertainment.

Five places to visit near Ancona

NATURAL WONDER: FRASASSI CAVES
Escape underground into a crystalline wonderland. Follow the walkways and see the awesome Grotta Grande del Vento in theatrical lights.

RUGGED BATHING RESORT: CONERO PENINSULA
Rocky coves and limestone cliffs are the backdrop for three small resorts with dramatic views at the base of Mount Conero.

COASTAL TOWN: PESARO
Renaissance art and architecture with 3km of beach. The annual Rossini Opera Festival is held in August.

MOUNTAIN SCENERY: MONTI SIBILLINI
Well off the usual tourist path, attracting intrepid walkers and winter skiers.

HILLTOP RENAISSANCE TOWN: URBINO
For those in search of great Italian art and architecture. See the worldfamous Flagellation of Christ painting.