Revenge of the Nerds

Can you “get by“ in Klingon? Do your eyes light up at the sight of Sudoku? Do you use words like n00b and L337? Feel no shame, fellow nerds, for there are plenty of holiday activities to bring you into the sunshine, engage your brains and expose you to the wonders of Europe in distinctively geeky style! Words by Will Dunn. Illustrations by Telegramme

With chunky glasses everywhere you look and fashionistas going in for geek chic, it’s hip to be square once more. But Dungeons & Dragons is old news, trainspotting is so 1990s, and plane-spotting is a good way to get yourself arrested these days. So what exactly is today’s nerd-about-town up to in his (or in very rare cases, her) spare time? The answer is a whole bunch of new and wonderful hobbies.

MONEY TRACKING

Most of us spend money without really thinking about where it comes from or where it goes, but currency – and the euro in particular – is always on the move. A fiver spent in Finland might potter about Scandinavia for a few weeks, or it could end up in Sicily the following day. Banknotes migrate like drunken birds, and tracking their movements can be fascinating – especially if you’re the sort of person who likes to input a serial number or two.

Here’s how it works: visit en.eurobilltracker.com and type in the codes from any euro note (mmm… codes!). Then spend your note in Dublin, let’s say, and wait for a fellow geek to pick up the note in Naples, for example. When they re-enter your note on the website, you get a “hit” telling you how far your note has travelled. Wow, 2,000km! Wonder at the miracle of commerce – but quietly, because your parents have gone to bed and you’re not supposed to use the internet aft er 9pm.

WHERE TO DO IT: Vienna and Berlin are the capitals with the most hits, so your note has a high chance of being picked up by a fellow tracker. However, with more than 70 million notes entered onto the site, you can get your geek on from Cork to Cagliari. Try racing notes with fellow nerds, to see which travel furthest.

FLY TO BERLIN (SCHONEFELD) FROM 12 DESTINATIONS. FLY TO BRATISLAVA (VIENNA) FROM 21 DESTINATIONS. VISIT WWW.RYANAIR.COM

LOCK PICKING

At first it might sound illegal, perhaps even dangerous, but don’t fret – shady images of breaking and entering can stay within the pages of your comics collection. “Locksport”, as recreational lock picking is also known, is as safe and legal as a game of chess. The locks aren’t bolted into doors but handled separately on tables, while fellow nerds watch in tense, technical silence. Removed from its housing and accessed by a set of special tools, a lock becomes nothing more than an intricate 3-D puzzle – words to make any true geek salivate – and cracking them has become a major pastime and competitive event. Meet the rock stars of the lock-picking community – Julian “The Champ” Hardt and Arthur “Arthurmeister” Meister – and watch as they crack the toughest high-security locks in the business.

WHERE TO DO IT: To see locksport live, you’ll need to head to one of their events, of which the Dutch Open is the biggest. It’s normally held in the Netherlands, as the name suggests, but for 2010 a larger international event is being planned. For more details, visit www.toool.nl. Or you could get started wherever you are, just by losing your room key. Enthusiasts should also check out Graz, Austria, where the Hanns Schell Collection comprises the world’s largest museum of locks, safes and keys.

FLY TO EINDHOVEN FROM 19 DESTINATIONS. FLY TO GRAZ FROM LONDON (STANSTED). VISIT WWW.RYANAIR.COM

CONFLUENCE HUNTING

With cheap GPS systems now readily available from any hiking shop, you can get some much-needed fresh air by travelling to “confluence points”, where lines of latitude and longitude intersect. The confluence point where the lines 21N and 33W meet is the exact spot where your GPS reads 21°00’00”N and 33°00’00”W. Basically, you use the GPS to lead you to a confluence point, then stand on the exact spot where the lines meet. Take a few pictures to upload to www.confluence.org, the website for confluence hunters, and chortle heartily into the hot Ribena you brought with you in a Battlestar Galactica (yes, the original series) Thermos flask. Now, if that GPS could only locate you a girlfriend.

WHERE TO DO IT: The biggest goal of any confluence hunter is a point that hasn’t been mapped yet, but these are hard to come by – there are almost none left in Europe. To be the first to set foot on one of these mythical spots you’ll need to travel to Morocco, where some real beauties (33°N, 3°W – all the threes!) are still there for the taking. If that seems a bit too stressful, the charming town of Castellon de la Plana, near Valencia, offers the chance to bag 40°N 0°W for your trophy cabinet before settling down to a beer on the main square.

FLY TO AGADIR, FEZ, MARRAKESH AND NADOR FROM ACROSS THE RYANAIR NETWORK. FLY TO VALENCIA FROM 19 DESTINATIONS. VISIT WWW.RYANAIR.COM

DISC GOLF

A normal game of Frisbee is out of the question (sorry, equation): it would involve running, trying to catch something, and probably at least one incidence of someone’s glasses being knocked off. Disc golf, however, is a turn-based game in which you try to throw your Frisbee (chosen from a set of special, technologically advanced Frisbees) into a basket in the least number of shots. It’s unlikely Tiger Woods would have impressed any ladies if he’d spent all his time mucking about with an Aerobie – but with its combination of accuracy, aerodynamics and tape measures, disc golf is a recipe for bespectacled fun.

WHERE TO DO IT: The Belgian Open takes place at the beautiful Château de la Poste in Maillen on 21–22 August, offering the chance to enjoy the wonderful surroundings while marvelling at an international assortment of saucer-tossing nerds.

If you can’t make the Belgian Open, there are plenty of other events this summer in Sweden, the UK, Finland and Germany.

FLY TO BRUSSELS (CHARLEROI) FROM 57 DESTINATIONS, INCLUDING BERGERAC, LANZAROTE, ROME (CIAMPINO) AND ZADAR. VISIT WWW.RYANAIR.COM

SEGWAY POLO

The Segway is the single geekiest form of transport known to man.

This electrically powered “personal transporter”, which uses gyroscopes to balance, offers a nerd-perfect combination of high technology and low exercise, and has been hailed as the future of transport by über-geeks like Apple co-founder Steve Jobs. And while polo may sound like a macho combination of big wooden mallets and flying hooves, the Segway version uses soft mallets and balls, is limited to 12mph, and features rules to prevent collisions. Still, probably best to bring your inhaler just in case.

WHERE TO DO IT: Germany’s top team, the Hemer Butterflies (what makes you think these guys didn’t play much sport at school?) will be hosting the European championship games in Hemer, near Düsseldorf, on 16-18 July. However, Segway tours are now available in many major cities – including Paris, Berlin, Budapest and Vienna – with a cruise along the Barcelona seafront among the best on off er.

FLY TO DUSSELDORF (WEEZE) FROM 51 DESTINATIONS, INCLUDING BIRMINGHAM, LAPPEENRANTA, MILAN (BERGAMO) AND TRIESTE. VISIT WWW.RYANAIR.COM

GEEK ISLAND:

Are you a holiday nerd?

1. When checking in at your hotel, do you ask if your room has:
a) A sea view.
b) A mini bar.
c) Wireless internet reception.

2. What game do you like to take to the beach?
a) Playing cards.
b) Scrabble.
c) I’m allergic to sand, but… chess.

3. What factor is your sunscreen?
a) 8
b) 15
c) 1.6 x 1025

4. Who would you rather go on holiday with?
a) Your mates.
b) Your family.
c) A laptop loaded with World of Warcraft.

5. What do you read on the beach?
a) That one with Jordan in it.
b) The Lord of the Rings.
c) The Lord of the Rings translated into Klingon. By you.

Mostly A: You need to read the manual once in a while.
Mostly B: You’re learning, but it’ll take more than that to get into chess club.
Mostly C: Hail, great Zirculon!

Your high IQ, low social skills and passion for technology have made you king (or, just occasionally, queen) of the nerds. Can you fix my BlackBerry?