GRIDSKIPPER

Grid skipper

Punks, nudes and erotic undies – get your rocks off with the web’s smartest travel blog

PSST! Madrid music lovers. There’s a place hidden behind Gran Via that doesn’t have signage, but you’ll know you’ve arrived when you see the queue outside. This is the Wurlitzer Ballroom, Madrid’s rock, punk and soul club that’s also one of the only places open till 6am. And it’s free. The Wurlitzer doesn’t play the conventional dancey-disco that Madrid is known for. Instead, you’ll hear everything from Motley Crue and the Ramones to Marvin Gaye and Aretha Franklin. Don’t be discouraged by the line, it moves eventually, and there are enough Chinese vendors selling €1 beers to keep you going. The ballroom has regular concerts almost every day of the week, www.wurlitzerballroom.com.

Now for some nudity. As art lovers everywhere know, philosophers since Plato have insisted on the soulful benefits of contemplating beauty in art. And what could be easier to contemplate than a wall-sized representation of a nude cutie? Thankfully, several of Berlin’s museums have rushed in to fill the seasonal shortage of bare flesh and keep us stump-deep in nipples. If you find your soul needing a little elevation try Helmut Newton’s Private Property at the Museum for Photography (2 Jebensstrasse). Also seek out the Beate Uhse Erotik Musuem (4 Joachimstaler Str.), if your vision of ideal and universal truth involves naughty French postcards and drawings of oversized “parts”.

Has that put you off lunch? Good, as we’ve some hardcore Parisian dietary advice. French women may not get fat, but even the slimmest of our Gallic sisters must occasionally tire of the whole entrée-platdessert boogie. The solution is in eateries specialising in plates small in size but big in flavour. Try L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon (7 Rue de Montalembert) a swanky space specialising in small plates, which offers only bar seating with a view to the open kitchen. Try grilled sardines on Melba toast or a ravioli of crayfish with foie gras sauce. Reservations are taken only for the first sitting beginning at 6.30pm. After that it’s first in, best dressed.

Now you’ve slimmed down, why not show off? Once upon a time, sexy lingerie in Britain was a somewhat specialised business, but then Agent Provocateur came along and saved the nation’s knicker drawers. Where they led, many others followed and now we’re spoiled for choice. Adventurous London girls should try Made By Niki (Miss Lala’s Boudoir, 148 Gloucester Avenue), which offers limitededition handmade lingerie. No more than 50 of each style are made and each comes with a certificate of authenticity. Real vamps should visit Coco de Mer (23 Monmouth St), a beautiful boutique in Covent Garden selling lingerie from the likes of FifiChachnil and Damaris. There are also more extreme pieces for sale in this erotic emporium, where you’ll find a bewildering array of harnesses, whips, and fair-trade spanking paddles. So the only one getting exploited here is you and/or your (un)fortunate partner. www.gridskipper.com