Get your kilt off!

Contributing editor and Scotto- the-bone Robin McKelvie previews his country’s biggestever bash – Homecoming Scotland 2009, with events kicking off throughout the year.

It’s the biggest party in the world this year. So get ready to book that flight to Scotland today. The Scots are legendary for throwing wild parties and Homecoming Scotland runs from January all the way until the end of November in a no-holds-barred extravaganza of whisky-fuelled soirees, wacky races and other wonderfully weird happenings. And the good news is that everyone is invited.

The idea behind Homecoming stems from the massive number of Scottish expats and around 45 million-strong Scottish diaspora – scattered all over the world from Nova Scotia to New Zealand – who the Scottish government is urging to “come home” this year. As well as these visitors, the events are great even for those whose closest brush with Scotland to date is seeing Mel Gibson’s sword swish across their cinema screens in Braveheart.

It all kicks off on Burns Night, 25 January – this year marking the 250th anniversary of the birth of Scotland’s national bard, Robert Burns. He was a legend, with an eye for the booze and the ladies, and certainly knewhow to get down on the town – after all, he was the poet and lyricist who penned the world’s number one end-of-party anthem Auld Lang Syne.

Scots traditionally mark Burns Night by scoffing the national dish of haggis, “neeps” (turnips) and “tatties” (potatoes), a surprisingly tasty treat, especially when accompanied by a liberal serving of culture and dancing. This year The World Famous Burns Supper aims to be the biggest ever. Burns’ hometown of Alloway sees the official Homecoming Burns Supper, while his old haunt of Dumfries is staging Burns Light, a torch-lit procession, complete with wicker creations and puppets. The night culminates with fireworks and a raucous ceilidh (traditional Celtic music and dance party).

Burns is going online too. People around the world are being encouraged to stage their own suppers and post their plans on The World Famous Burns Supper website (www.burnssupper2009.com). Wacky suppers so far include the CN Tower in Toronto, Canada, a Burns Barbie dished up by an Australian clan chief on a beach, and – perhaps nuttiest of all – a wee knees-up at 1,343m atop Britain’s highest mountain, Ben Nevis, which will still be smothered in snow. All entries go into a draw for a VIP trip to Scotland.

The Burns theme continues in Scotland’s largest city, Glasgow, where the bard takes centre stage at Celtic Connections, one of the world’s biggest annual Celtic music extravaganzas. Auld Lang Syne on 24 January will be the festival’s biggest event ever, staged at the Royal Concert Hall. Five of Scotland’s most talented young composers have also penned the Homecoming Suite, to be performed by the Royal Scottish National Orchestra, while Bringing it all Back Home on 30 January explores the history of Scottish music and its role in the roots of styles from American Blues to Jamaican reggae.

Homecoming is not just about Burns and the traditional images of Scotland though. Scottish Tides – Polish Spring (1 February– 30 April) brings a touch of eastern Europe to the graceful town of Perth, celebrating the Polish immigrants who have enriched Scotland with their culture. It’s a chance to uncover four centuries of interwoven Scottish-Polish cultural relations through rock, drama, jazz and visual art.

At the other end of the spectrum there is surely nothing more quintessentially Scottish than whisky! And the “water of life” is being celebrated in all its golden glory. May is Whisky Month, involving many of Scotland’s 95 distilleries. The highlight is the massive Spirit of Speyside Festival (1–10 May), when the distilleries on the banks of the River Spey – producing their sweet, mellow whiskies – are the place to sip, learn and celebrate some of the finest single malts on the planet.

After one too many whiskies, the sight of The Gathering in Edinburgh may have you reaching for some strong black coffee. Think Braveheart. Think Rob Roy. Think bigger than both with bells on, as the capital resounds to Highland cries and swishing kilts. Thousands of clans-folk from as far afield as Singapore and Argentina are descending on the capital on the weekend of 25–26 July in the biggest gathering since the Scots last marched south to face the “Auld Enemy” in the 18th century. There will be a massed parade, as well as the largest Highland Games ever staged, with traditional activities like tossing the caber, where burly men battle to see who can hurl hulking logs the furthest. The spectacular finale will explode across the esplanade of Scotland’s most famous castle.

More conventional sports also play a huge role in Scottish culture, with the annual football competition being renamed the Homecoming Scottish Cup. Other sports include golf, with The Open Championship held at Turnberry, 16–19 July, and the final of rugby’s Heineken Cup in Edinburgh on 23 May. If you want to get stuck in yourself, take on The Cape Wrath Challenges in May – five days of hardcore running, in what is billed as “The Toughest Marathon in the UK”. Or do the Loch Ness Marathon in October, where you can combine running with monster watching.

If strenuous physical activity isn’t your idea of fun, even more sedentary visitors can get beyond Scotland’s cities to explore the rugged Highlands, one of Europe’s last great wildernesses. They are also home to those mythologised clans who lived off the land throughout Scotland’s romantic past. Homecoming Highland in October brings the focus north, to the places many of Scotland’s 18th- and 19th-century émigrés were forced to leave behind.

To learn more about how the émigrés went on to make their mark around the world, head to Eden Court Theatre in Inverness to check out the Scotland’s Global Impact conference – after all, the Scots invented everything from the bicycle and penicillin, through to the TV and the telephone.

The largest of the Homecoming events needs no introduction. The Edinburgh Festival sees the capital’s population double in size, and this year it is themed “returning to your roots”. All of the major sub-festivals are laying on events – choose from the Edinburgh International Festival, with its highbrow opera, ballet and classical music; the more anarchic Fringe, with its risqué comedy and alternative shows; the Mela Festival, with its global music; the Book Festival, with its domestic and international artistic luminaries; and the Military Tattoo, a military band extravaganza.

Homecoming rattles to a close on another of Scotland’s big cultural diary dates – St Andrew’s Day on 30 November. Plans for the patron saint’s day are hush hush at the moment, but organisers of the Homecoming finale are promising a “major celebration of Scottish music, the likes and scale of which have never been seen before”.

Given the Scots’ love of nefarious parties, the celebrations to end what is the biggest party in the world this year will be quite something. Hellraiser Burns himself would no doubt have approved, so get on over to Scotland and get your kilt off !

More Homecoming Events
Celtic capers
CLASSIC MALTS CRUISE
Jump on a yacht in July and canter through some of the world’s most stunning scenery, sailing between distilleries along Scotland’s wild West Coast.

THE ILLUMINATED ART CAR PARADE
The capital welcomes all sorts of weird and wonderful creations on 28 November for this wacky parade. Expect the Robert Burns Poetry Van, the Burke and Hare Barrow, as well as whisky and golf contraptions.

ISLAY FESTIVAL OF MALT AND MUSIC
May is the month for lovers of the island’s smoky whiskies, as its distilleries stage open days. In the evenings, look out for ceilidhs and mass tastings.

MAUCHLINE PLOUGHING MATCH
The farm that was once home to Burns, the “Ploughman Poet”, sees a surreal ploughing match organised by the Mauchline Burns Club on 29 March.

JAMAICAN BURNS NIGHT
Sly & Robbie bring their considerable talents to Glasgow on 27 January as they combine their Jamaican sounds with local acts Karine Polwart and Edwyn Collins, with some fusion “Burns dub” on the cards.

Stage your own Burns supper
Mmm… haggis!
The following is an easy version – for a fuller guide and to register your supper, visit www.burnssupper2009.com

First get the haggis, which these days even comes as a vegetarian version (www.macsween.co.uk) if you literally cannot stomach the idea of eating mashed offal, spices and oats served up in a sheep’s stomach.

Get some openminded friends who like a bit of a party, fire up the Scottish music, recite a bit of Burns and away you go.

Get the manliest (and preferably the reddest-haired) male in the room to dramatically slash open the haggis, while reciting Burns’ famous ode to the “Great chieftain o’ the pudding-race!”

Serve up the haggis with an equal helping of neeps and tatties, and a wee dram of whisky on the side. To spice things up, make a cream and Drambuie sauce. Then just crack open more whisky for a night of singing and dancing that you’ll never forget.
For more details on homecoming Scotland 2009, including event listings, visit www.homecomingscotland.com and for general tourist information about Scotland, check out www.visitscotland.com